I’m holed up in my bedroom today, as I have been for the past several days, doing my best to focus and study hard for my USMLE Step 2 Clinical Knowledge exam this Saturday. Basically it is just another standardized 8 hour multiple choice test that I must take to get my MD license. For a while I was wondering if I was even going to be able to drive to the exam due to the “arctic blast” we’ve been experiencing here in Portland. There’s still about a foot of snow outside my window, but I did see some rainfall today and it’s supposed to be getting warmer. It will probably be mostly melted by Saturday.
I’m feeling rather blah today, probably in part because of the weather, in part because I’m doing marathon cramming, and in part because I’m nervous about my exams (the one I’m about to take and the Clinical Skills exam I took before Thanksgiving). While I will most likely do just fine, the fear of failure eats away at peace of mind. Why am I afraid? Because I have a vision for the future and really want to make it happen. I am “attached” to this vision and so I “suffer” when thoughts or circumstances threaten it. I really need to meditate more and keep striving to let go. The more I can let go, the more at peace I will be.